Tampa Is…?

There seems to be some sort of cosmic law that requires that at all times, one of Tampa Bay’s three major league teams must be the most laughably inept in it’s sport. It would appear that it is the Lightning’s turn…again…to keep the universe in balance as management has fired head coach Barry Melrose after 16 games.

Just because I thought hiring Melrose was a bad idea in the first place doesn’t mean that I’m happy about him being fired. Because as a ham-and-egger off the street (Joe the Fan, if you will), there’s absolutely no consequence whatsoever to me being wrong (or right) about the team’s personnel decisions. That’s one of the great things about being a fan. The professionals who are paid to make those decisions, however, are a different story. They don’t get the luxury of being pleasantly surprised if they’re wrong.

In this case, they fired a Stanley Cup winning coach (albeit one who had just finished with the worst record in the league) and presumably bypassed other candidates to hire someone who hadn’t coached at any level in over a decade… only to fire him after playing less than 20% of one season. Point being, if it took so little time to figure out it wasn’t a good fit, you have to wonder if the pre-hire vetting process was as thorough as it could and should have been. Again, that’s why the professionals make the big bucks.

Considering it took only 12 games to dump Matt Carle, the focal point of the trade that cost the Lightning hard-working all-star defenseman and fan favorite Dan Boyle, fans probably shouldn’t be too shocked if Marty St. Louis gets traded in the middle of the next unsuccessful power play. I can imagine the press release now…

“This was a tough decision to make. Marty is a good man and we have a great deal of respect for him and all he’s done for the organization over the years. We wish him nothing but success. However, we’ve had the man advantage for nearly half a minute now and the results have been unacceptable. The players have to understand that we need to be better. Hopefully this change helps us for the remaining 1:36 of Wade Brookbank’s hooking penalty.”

Of course, an organization that turns to the po rn industry as a model for building it’s marketing campaign probably isn’t one that’s looking to set standards for good judgment.

(Cross posted at Ridiculously inconsistent trickle of consciousness)

That’s right, folks!  It finally happened.

Tampa has finally been named the flightcomparison.co.uk World Destination of the Week!  Here are some highlights of their review:

… more commercially oriented than other Florida destinations, but it has plenty to offer…

… grand museums and golden beaches, all flavoured with a distinct Mexi-Flori zest.

… minimal traffic and discounts aplenty if you visit during summer. However, summer is hurricane season and can get very humid.

Getting around town can be done mostly by public bus…

Fun-Lan Drive In… atmosphere is still as great as it was nearly sixty years ago.

Not sure about that “public bus” comment.

And I’ll leave it to you to figure out what “Mexi-Flori” is (google it!).

I’ve mentioned all the times that Tampa Bay has played Philly’s sports teams in the playoffs.  Well just as many times, we’ve had the local media run the “Cuban Sandwich or Cheesesteak?” article, and this year is no exception.  Riveting stuff.

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Speaking of sandwiches…  It’s been a bad year for oldies DJ ‘Marvelous’ Marvin.  He got a knuckle sandwich in March, and this week, Mason Dixon downsized him from Q105.  You can hire Marvelous Marvin to DJ at your wedding reception.

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Speaking of job searches…  He could apply for a job at the Super Bowl.  S.A.F.E. Management wants to hire 2,000 people for Super Bowl security.  The local jobs will pay $8 to $10 per hour.  (I’m pausing here to give you enough time to consider this).

They are looking for any 2,000 people to fill a security job that will last a week and pay 10 bucks an hour before taxes.  Don’t you feel safe?

And assuming 40 hours at $10 for 2,000 people, you can be sure they are including $800,000 in those calculations for “Super Bowl Economic Boon,” even though about $250K of that will go straight to the IRS.  And who knows how much money is headed to Detroit, where S.A.F.E. (Security, Athletic Facilities & Events) Management is based?

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Speaking of security…  If the TSA assures us that our nearly-nude images cannot be copied, stored, or transmitted, then how did they get photos of the images printed in the newspapers?

On the afternoon of Aug. 18, Pinellas officials ordered mandatory evacuation of the county’s most flood-prone areas for 6am the next day.  Tropical Storm Fay was heading our way.

Over at the TradeWinds Island Resorts in St. Pete Beach, visitors checked out and took off.  They say they missed out on over $150,000 in canceled rooms and missed food and beverage sales.

The storm shifted and ended up making landfall south of Naples.  Pinellas canceled the evacuation order at around 5:30am.

So now, hotel managers are saying that Pinellas “overreacted.” 

“It was outrageous for the authorities to make the call prior to even being put on hurricane watch,” wrote Philippe Eversdijk, general manger of the Marriott Suites Clearwater Beach. “The decision … shows lack of respect for our area’s bread & butter: tourism.”

It sure is easy to whine about everything a month later.  Pinellas County Commission Chairman Robert Stewart wants the hotels to man up and deal with it:

“This was an unavoidable development,” Stewart said. “We’re always going to err on the side of caution.”

Pinellas is Florida’s most dense county - they have more people per square mile than anywhere else in the state.  The land is surrounded by water on three sides.  Any storm is going to cause trouble, and a big storm will nearly flood the entire county.  With that big of a responsibility, officials must act early. 

If your business loses a couple of bucks to ensure that nobody gets hurt, then you gotta tough it out.  You have another 330 days of the year to be profitable.  Or, you can move your multi-million dollar resorts somewhere else, perhaps New Orleans.

I bet these guys piss & moan about the insurance bill, too.

Introducing a new feature here at the Sticks, rankings of all the Division 1-A (or Bowl Championship Division as the NCAA now calls it) college football teams for Florida. Have a disagreement with the rankings? Throw ‘em in the comments.

1. Florida (2-0)
For three quarters Miami came close to knocking off the Gators but one quarter of work is enough to keep Percy Harvin and Company on top.

2. Miami (1-1)
The Canes are drawing rave reviews for their young defense and could be the favorites to win a weak ACC.

3. South Florida (2-0)
Not much of a difference between Bulls and Canes but I was more impressed with Miami in a loss than with USF in a narrow win.

4. Central Florida (1-1)
For all the trash talk coming from Bulls QB Matt Groethe the game was much closer than the Bulls could have been comfortable with. Credit the Golden Knights for taking the Bulls to overtime.

5. Florida State (1-0)
FSU stays down here until they play, and beat, a decent team.

6. Florida Atlantic (1-1)
After an ugly loss against Texas the Owls bounce back with a win against UAB.

7. Florida International (0-2)
Total points scored by the Golden Panthers this season: 10. FIU has a bye next week but plays USF the week after that and will be lucky to score ten more points against the Bulls.

Kids in Hillsborough County head back to school on Monday, and lots of those students are going to have to walk further to get to the bus stop:

The goal, he said, is to have two to 20 students per bus stop. Some elementary students will have to walk up to a mile and middle and high school students up to 1.5 miles.

Obviously, many of the bus routes have changed from years’ past.  But the School District of Hillsborough County had some trouble getting letters to the mailbox, and parents and students are not certain exactly how the kids are going to get to school, and where to catch the bus.

The Transportation Department is blaming lightning.  Wow - who could see that coming?

The Calusa Indian word “Tampa” means “sticks of fire,” a reference to lightning.  The local Arena League team is called the “Storm,” while the NHL team is called the “Lightning.”  Every day, all summer long, our meteorologists give us a look at the red splotches of thunderstorm activity, interspersed with flashing white flashes that indicate lightning.  You might recall that all of this leads to the Tampa Bay area being called the lightning capital of the United States.

All right, so lightning struck School Bus Central in Thonotosassa, delaying letters to bus riders and their parents.  They set up a hot line so you can find out the details of your kids’ trip to school.  To find out where and when your children catch the bus, call 813.982.5500.  But you may have to try that number more than once.  District officials say the line is often busy because of the lightning strike.

Oh, and for those of you who now have to walk to school or walk further to catch the bus, you may want to keep an eye out for any lightning strikes.

“The Pier” has been a landmark of downtown St. Petersburg since 1899 when Peter Demens connected the Orange Belt Railroad to a half-mile wharf. D. F. Brantley started the first Pier Pavilion in 1895, and a “Municipal Pier” debuted in 1913.  But it is the 1926 “Million Dollar Pier” (postcarded here) that long-time residents remember.

The Million Dollar Pier was the place to be - whether it was for a veteran’s meeting, a high school dance or a just getting a Coke at the drive-in. In the days before air conditioning, the way to cool off was to take a drive out to this community center pier. Cruise boats docked at the pier and during World War II so did the military ships.

The city began tearing down Million Dollar Pier in 1967, and opened today’s inverted pyramid structure in 1973.  In 1978, the city installed a laser on the third floor of the inverted pyramid, sending a “beam of green” up the pier to downtown.  It never really worked great, and was removed in the mid 80s.

The Pier got a $12 million makeover in 1988, with a lovely shade of turquoise contrasting the pale yellow building.

You may have noticed that The Pier Aquarium is looking to move off The Pier, and over to Baywalk.  It seems that after 35 years, The Pier and the building at the end of it are falling apart.  So now the city is looking for ideas on what to do with The Pier.

To do it right, some have suggested we look at other piers across the nation, such as Chicago’s Navy Pier (pictures), Santa Monica Pier (pics), and San Francisco’s Pier 39 (pics).

But maybe we ought to knock it down and replace it with a bridge to Ruskin.

You got any ideas?

Starting a discussion about what makes a “real” Cuban sandwich can elicit strong opinions and unearth longstanding feuds. There is one ingredient on which all the sandwich sectarians agree. It’s not a Cuban sandwich without authentic Cuban bread. The ingredients are simple enough; flour, water, salt, yeast and lard. But the result cannot be duplicated outside the family owned bakeries of Tampa and Miami; a crusty torpedo that would make any Frenchman envious.

My introduction to the staple came at age six, when I entered the Hillsborough County school system from more Northern climes. I doubt the recipe has changed much in 25 years. The public school version of the Cuban sandwich consists of one or two thin slices of cheap boiled ham and salami, one slice of stinky government cheese, pale neon green pickles and mustard on five to six inches of semi-fresh Cuban bread; a logic defying composition, MUCH GREATER than the sum of it’s parts.

The bread was so hard and chewy that it often led to the lunchtime extraction of the last of my baby teeth. New teeth grew in, almost as fast as I grew an appetite for that most Cuban of confections. At least once a week, and later as a daily option, the Cuban sandwich was the heart of the school lunch menu. As bland and unassuming as it sounds, that simple chewy sandwich was a welcome relief from the reheated Salisbury steak and chicken nuggets. Throughout our school years, my classmates and I consumed millions.

More than just a meal, the Cuban sandwich was my introduction to the history and cultural identity of Tampa Bay. The sandwich was a bridge that connected me to the Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders, the mysterious minarets of the Plant Hotel, cigar factory workers of Ybor and the Diaspora of communist Cuba’s refugees; some of whom were my classmates.

I’d like to think that the Cuban sandwich has given me a certain kind of cultural identity, something that everyone who has grown up in Tampa Bay has in some part shared. As I’ve traveled to and lived in other cities across the country, I’ve sampled many imitation Cubans. Their similarity to and difference from the five inch version that I had in school fondly reminds me of bay area and that culture and history that we’ve all shared.

That’s why it saddens me to read that Pinellas County schools will no longer be serving locally baked Cuban bread in their cafeterias. For the students and staff, who will now dine on soft and starchy instant-bake rolls of the frozen variety, it’s not just a culinary tragedy. It’s a cultural tragedy.

Here’s hoping that Hillsborough schools will not follow suit. For pennies on the dollar, Cuban bread is worth a little extra dough.