Tampa Is…?

98rock held one of those “Wacky FM DJ” contests. Three people had to dress as inmates, including the orange jumpsuit, handcuffs, and shackled together at the feet. They were dropped off in a Wesley Chapel subdivision, with the goal to simply get back to the radio station on Gandy in South Tampa. They didn’t make it. Hell, it wasn’t even close. The Pasco County Sheriff’s office was inundated with phone calls, and the trio was picked up within a half hour.

Now, if you are going to have a contest such as this, it may not have been wise to have your typical 98rock listeners as the contestants. These idiots thought the best way to achieve the goal was walk up to commuters and ask for a ride. No halfway intelligent person is going to give a ride to three shackled convicts. Even in Wesley Chapel.

98rock must share in some of the blame. Shackling the three together probably assured failure. Which might be what they intended, but that’s stupid too. Imagine the publicity had a contestant actually completed the task.

So here’s how to make this promotion work: Dress ‘em up in the jumpsuits and handcuff ‘em in front. Kill the footcuffs and the shackles holding them together, and stick an open cell phone line (for compelling radio) on each guy. Go ahead and drop them off in Wesley Chapel, but not in a freakin’ subdivision. Find one of the few remaining cow pastures or a wooded area. Wish the contestants luck, and tell ‘em to head to the station on Gandy. Then the DJs can contact each contestant at will and get an update.

Now, if you’re the contestant, there are three keys to success. Key #1 you have to stay hidden until… Key #2 you have to find a way to get loose from the handcuffs, after which you can… Key #3 get rid of the bright orange shirt, and find a substitute. After that, the rest is easy.

I put waaaay too much thought into that.